Loneliness

Campus is dead. I hate being here. I almost left 6 times, various things stopping me. Like trying to find Chris Wyenberg to get his stuff. But I stayed and we had a lovely bonfire at Carolyn's house. It was a random grouping of people, basically my friends and my roommates friends. I found it to be slightly awkward, but I was amused by watching everyone interact. I did kill a lot of time yesterday between cleaning my room and the bonfire. I did some feeble wandering and ended up in places that made me ache with sadness. I stood in Jeffy's apartment looking longingly around hoping for something familiar to appear. Nothing. Went up to Justin and Mike's apartment, again more aching and despair. I went hoping to make all the sadness and pain go away, hoping that everyone leaving was just a bad dream. But as I entered their room I was stabbed with the emptiness of the apartments. The only comfort was the sick smell in Justin and Mike's room that is always there. It smells like 4 guys, and sweat, and mustiness. Sorry guys but it your room does have a smell.
Covenant church this morning was wonderful, Herm was so pleasant and I just found more people I will miss. The Bakker family. What will I do without Sunday muffin nights, or Hannah and Levi. Ahhh. I will miss Herm, he is so real and genuine. I saw many professors that I admire, will I ever learn again? Just kidding, that was being too dramatic.
Anyhoo, I just went through peoples rooms in SV looking for food to take camping. Kinda fun (I am really bored). But we leave for camping in 40 minutes and that is what I have been waiting for. Katy and Dena are on either side of me frantically trying to finish papers. Muahaha. It sucks, I feel bad. Oh well. I think I might go back into the room down the hall that has everything people gave away. I got some dishes to take camping, Dena got a sweater. I have no guilt taking stuff from there because I dumped a huge load off myself.
I can't wait to get off campus because there are too many memories and no people. Every time I walk in to my room I am shocked that nothing is in there. You'd think after sleeping there last night I would realize, but no, I get jolted every time I open the door. Sad to stay and sad to go. I hate emotions.